In the past father’s role in babybirth and pregnancy process was finally brought to where it belonged: next to the mother. With the advent of the Bradley birthing methods, fathers were finally given something important to do. They became “coaches” for the birthing event, and their need to be needed was fulfilled.
Yet, the nine long months ahead of the “world series” game is a difficult and vague time for the men in our lives. Fathers really have no concept of how we feel physically and emotionally during this time, so they need our help and direction to create a safe and friendly environment for the mother-to-be and the child. Men need to feel part of the wonderful process to establish a relationship with the unborn child early on.
Often feelings of fear, worry, and anxiety are common for most new fathers. We need to entitle our men to their feelings. Asking your partner how he would like to be involved at this point might end up backfiring. Most men’s answer to a direct question like this one will say, “I don’t know! What would you like me to do?”.
This can only create frustration for both of you, and there is no need for that. One thing I have learned through the years is that if you don’t ask for what you want and need, you probably will not get it. Stop thinking he is psychic. Stop thinking “If he loves me he’ll know what I really need and want.”
Knowing that what you want or need has nothing to do with his love for you. His giving what you want and need, or telling you honestly what he can and cannot give is no measure of his love.
One person alone cannot, and never will be able to, give me all that I need. A famous African adagio says, “It takes a village to raise a child,” and I believe it takes a village to accompany any of us through our lives.
Your partner cannot be the only source of your fulfillment; you must create a support group especially in this miraculous time. Find friends who are willing to listen, find other mothers-to-be (your healthcare provider, your doula can help you with this one), and find chat rooms and web sites to answer your questions. Enroll in prenatal yoga or exercise classes.
Find a therapist if you feel the need to work on some of the tough issues that are coming up. Your insurance might cover a few sessions. No matter where and what you must rely on, multiple sources of support await your asking.
Yes, it is your time to get pampered, dear one, but remember that men also go through incredible changes during this time. They might not be hormonal, nor will they show up physically, but having a child is an emotional, mental and spiritual event for both of you. Acknowledge the little and big things he does for you. Tell him how to be useful, welcome him in your arms as often as you can, and remind him why you love him and why you think he will make a great father. This is such a magical time for both of you, cherish it. Every moment counts!
Using materials from pregnancyandbaby.com site